By Liz Langley

This is a reprint of the column from the Orlando Weekly which is referred to in the above article.

The most atrocious murder since Dahmer gave up liver happened a few weeks back. A man decided that he and his two sons were possessed by the devil. So while his younger son and passing drivers watched, he stabbed his 14-year-old, cut off his head and threw it out the car window.

People actually shut up for a few minutes after they hear this story. Then they ask why this lunatic didn’t just go see a priest. As if when you think you’re possessed, there is a logical next step.

Now you know, and I know, that demonic possession exists, but only in people’s heads. “The Exorcist” showed this with a very exciting story and fine make-up, unlike those boring demons that get booked on “Geraldo.” And according to “The Exorcist,” if the devil embarrasses you enough, you get to call a priest.

Having to call a priest is rather exciting because it means you have some sort of spiritual emergency on your hands. For people who treat religion like a salad bar-taking in a little of this and a bit of that until they’re so weighted down they can get back to real life-this happens all the time. For most people, it doesn’t happen enough.

Take a bite outta Christ

I had the excitement of having to call a priest not long ago when I went into a Christian bookstore and was able to purchase, unquestioned and unqualified, boxes of Communion Wafers. These are the little wafers that Catholics believe are the body of Christ. These, I thought, might come in handy if you were possessed and couldn’t get to a priest right away. Say you got possessed at the zoo. What then? I fyou have the box of Jesus on your hands, you might be able to get out of this pickle on your own.

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