CNN executives were very excited that one of their own, Morgan Spurlock, was the man behind the trailer to a documentary, “I Am Santa Claus.” To prove how happy they were, they were flagging a supremely positive article about the flick by one of their online columnists, John D. Sutter. The source of their ebullience had nothing to do with the artistic quality of the documentary: it had everything to do with Santa’s homosexuality. They like that a lot.

How do we know that Santa is a homosexual? Not by his dress—he looks like a regular Santa. It’s by his behavior: he likes to kiss men and boasts about his job working in a strip joint. Reference is made, of course, to male genitalia. But at least Santa was prudent: he pointed to a sign above a food station that warned homosexuals to keep their pants on. This reminded Bill Donohue of San Francisco where homosexuals are told to put a towel below their bottom before sitting down in a restaurant. Warning signs are a thoughtful, if regrettable, gesture.

We will know the day when homosexuals are just like the rest of us when they stop stereotyping themselves. Until then, play it safe and “make the yuletide” straight.

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