In 2007, Barack Obama told Planned Parenthood that the first thing he would do if elected president would be to sign the Freedom of Choice Act (FOCA). Because of opposition from many quarters, including the Catholic League, the bill never got to his desk. But it may now come back, and if it does it could mean that Catholic hospitals would be required to perform abortions lest they lose federal funding.
The fate of the Health and Human Services (HHS) mandate that would force Catholic non-profits to pay for abortion-inducing drugs is sure to reach the U.S. Supreme Court.
Enough of the serious stuff—it’s time to have some fun, especially on this rather dreary day. We can’t wait until FOCA and the HHS mandate are thrust upon us, so we need to act now. Accordingly, we need to hire and train people with specific credentials. Here is my job description:
- Community organizers needed immediately
- No prior experience—in any job—is needed
- Chicago residents preferred, especially those from Hyde Park
- Membership in churches that promote racial divisions is a plus
- A passion for helping the poor must include opposition to school vouchers and support for more food stamps
- Long-time associations with urban terrorists preferred
- An apologetic stance on America’s heritage is a must
Send all resumes to Bill Donohue. References are optional though preference will be given to those who list attorneys who have defended suspected terrorists, or who have at least heard of Eric Holder.