Catholic League president William Donohue released the following comments on the Christmas wars today:
“Robert Tiernan, a spokesman for the Freedom from Religion Foundation, is demanding that atheists be represented in next year’s Parade of Lights in Denver. He wants a ‘winter solstice’ float instead of a Christian one. He deserves better.
“Atheists deserve to have their own holiday—Nothingday—the purpose of which would be to honor what they believe in, which is absolutely nothing. Nothingday would be held on the day of the winter solstice and would be celebrated by holding nationwide conferences explicitly designed to accomplish nothing.
“For example, there would be seminars and workshops on the virtue of standing for nothing. Participants would be invited to watch a video on the meaning of Nothingday and would then discover—to their utter delight—that there’s nothing on the tape. Tables outside conference rooms would be set up, though there would be nothing on them. Breakout sessions would allow participants to huddle in corners for the express purpose of doing nothing. When they reassemble, their team leader would be able to report that they have accomplished absolutely nothing. Naturally, no minutes would be kept.
“They would then repair to the cocktail lounge where they would all be given empty glasses. Dinner would follow, though nothing would be served. At the awards ceremony, those who best represent the spirit of nothing would, of course, be given nothing for their efforts. Best of all, the keynote speaker wouldn’t open his mouth, allowing everyone to just sit there, staring endlessly into space.
“Quite frankly, this sounds a heck of a lot better than the conferences I’ve been to.”