Cathy Crimmins has written a book, Madonna & Child, that is celebrated as a parody of the pop star, Madonna. In it, she manages to offend Catholics in many ways. Here is a selection of her comments:

Madonna on the Virgin Mary as role model: “She’s the ultimate single mother. I’ll only be happy if my kid’s birthday becomes a national holiday, too.”

 Madonna on the best cure for morning sickness: “Communion wafers. Wash’em down with San Pelligrino or Evian–they’re just the thing to keep your stomach stable until you grow out of your nausea and all the garments in your closet.”

Madonna on choosing a priest to be her sperm donor: “Tempting. I do like a virgin, and I do want to raise my child to be a good Catholic. But most priests are gay, anyway, right?”

William Donohue, president of the Catholic League, had this to say about the book:

It is one thing for Cathy Crimmins to boast about Madonna’s moral depravity, quite another to slam Catholicism. It is not being flip to make derisive comments about Our Blessed Mother, the Eucharist or priests: it is downright irresponsible and inexcusable.

”It is important to note that two of the most scurrilous remarks about Catholicism are printed on the back cover of the book. When combined with the title of the volume and the picture of Madonna posed as Our Blessed Lady (with child), it is clear that the intent was to offend. Labeling this trash a ‘parody’ may satisfy some, but it will not prove persuasive to anyone with even an ounce of discernment.”

The Catholic League is the nation’s largest Catholic civil rights organization. It defends individual Catholics and the institutional Church from defamation and discrimination.

On Wednesday, October 16, at 10:30 a.m., the Catholic League will hold a press conference in front of Sacred Heart School (457 W. 51st Street, between 9th and l0th Avenues) on the movie, Sleepers; joining the conference will be attorneys Bill Callahan and Thon1as Harvey as well as the pastor of Sacred Heart, Rev. Kevin Nelan (Sacred Heart is the school that is implicated in the movie).

 The purpose of the press conference is to expose the movie as a hoax. The Warner Bros. presentation purports to be a tn1e story that is based on the book, Sleepers, written by Lorenzo Carcaterra. In fact, none of the events, which include multiple crimes and a priest who perjured himself, ever happened. We will make our case at the press conference and we encourage those in the media to press Warner Bros. to respond to our charges.

The Warner Bros. movie, Sleepers, which opens October 18, is a hoax. Starring Robert De Niro, Kevin Bacon, Brad Pitt and Dustin Hoffman, the film is based on the Lorenzo Carcaterra book by that name.

 Sleepers purports to be a true story about four youths from Sacred Heart School, a Catholic elementary school in New York’s Hell’s Kitchen. They were supposedly sent to an upstate New York reform school in the 1960s for committing a prank that injured an old man. While at the reformatory, we are told, the boys were sexually assaulted and beaten by guards. Then in the 1980s two of the boys, now hit men, meet one of the guards and kill him. One of the other boys is now an Assistant District Attomey who arranges to take the case so he can sabotage it. The other youth works as a copy boy at the Daily News. Allegedly, a priest from Sacred Heart perjures himself by providing an alibi for the two killers.

 Attorneys Bill Callahan and Thomas Harvey have thoroughly investigated this story and have found it baseless. The Catholic League also came to this conclusion, as did distinguished True Crime writers. Several reporters from both the print and electronic media have also determined that the story is false.

 At a press conference at Sacred Heart School (457 W. 51st Street) on October 16 at 10:30 a.m., Catholic League president William Donohue, attorneys Callahan and Harvey, as well as Father Kevin Nelan, the pastor at Sacred Heart, will discuss this issue more fully.

 Donohue made the following comment today:

 “To defame Catholic schools and priests is malicious. The entire story is a hoax: there was no crime, no one went to reform school, there was no killing and no priest ever perjured himself. The real culprits here are author Lorenzo Carcaterra, his editor at Ballantine Books, Peter Gethers, and movie director Barry Levinson.

 “I am confident that once independent observers track this story, they will validate the charges made here.”